Over the past months, our discernment meetings about whether I may be called to continue toward ordination as a deacon have included prayer, scripture, and many honest conversations.
We have talked about my sense of calling, about personality and gifts, about Anglican tradition and the role of the diaconate in the Church. We have reflected on scripture, including Jesus’ words in Matthew 25:
“I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.” (Matthew 25:35)
And:
“Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these… you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40)
In these conversations, what has become clearer is that diaconal ministry is not about status or hierarchy. It is about presence—recognizing Christ already at work in others, especially where dignity is overlooked or someone feels unseen. It is about mutuality—remembering that each of us, at different times, is both the one who offers care and the one who receives it.
Alongside these conversations, I have found myself drawn, somewhat unexpectedly, to the image of a crocodile. I have been paying attention to why this image keeps returning for me.
Crocodiles live at thresholds, between land and water. They are patient, attentive, and steady. They do not rush forward, nor do they perform for attention. They remain present in the in-between space.
To keep that image close, I brought a small toy crocodile, whom I call “Smappy”, to one of our discernment meetings. I often carry it with me now as a quiet, tangible reminder of this threshold calling. What may seem simple has become, for me, a way of deepening attentiveness: a reminder to stay grounded, watchful, and present where Christ is already at work. I am still discerning what this image is teaching me.
I invite you to continue holding this process in prayer.